It's amazing how I actually found someone, a stranger to be accurate, that I can relate to.  What's more, it's a guy. Somehow, just seeing him makes me feel good. Talking to him about something random or simply teasing him lights up my day. I'm contented like this, and grateful too that I've found someone that PERHAPS I can connect to at a deeper level.

Yet at the same time, I feel ever more fearful as I feel more comfortable around him. That phobia of being turned away once more, or perhaps that something more just reigns in the hurt & pain. Though it's only the 3rd week of school, I can already feel myself distancing myself from this friend of mine. Call me coward, but I truly feel afraid, more so than I've ever been before.

I can't quite figure out why though, so I won't bother. Right now, I'm just too busy with schoolwork to think otherwise.

School's been pretty good so far, lectures are far more interesting than what I've had in mind for weeks. Geography though, might be a challenge for me considering I don't eat, sleep and breathe ROCKS @_@ Who does that anyway?! Pressure's kicking in, but it's a good thing since I haven't had so much faith & trust put into me in a long time. I love SAJC now cause JCAT is in the school :D

WHAT A WEEK. It's been so crazy & awesome all at once. First, let me start off with the FANTASTIC trip to M'sia! Sorry Abby, I'm too tired to update everything here HEH (:

Went on a 4 day trip to KL with Abby's cool family & stayed with her relatives. It was DAMN FUN cos' we went shopping @ Times Square, Sungei Wang & Megamall which sells ALOT of stuff which are WAYY cheaper than in S'pore. Times Square is the best though~ cos' the clothes/shoes/bags/accessories are REALLY cheap & nice :D OHH AND WE WENT TO SUNWAY LAGOON TOO! That was one of the best parts of the trip! Took roller coasters, wet rides & even went to the water area. Totally off the hook.

I got to eat a ton of good food too thanks to abby's family :D M'sia hokkien mee, ice-kachang, yin-yang hor fun & etcetc. OH MAN MY FAV. IS THE ICE-KACHANGE AND DUCK! Super delicious & I definitely wanna' eat it again. (hint hint, abby can I join you again soon? ;D ) THANK YOU SO MUCH ABBY, FOR INVITING ME! :D

___________________________________________Moving on__________

Posting's been out, 3rd day into orientation @ SAJC :D Honestly, though alot of seniors said that SAJC is v.much like CGS, it's really different. Especially with our cohort. I mean, the girls & guys, the teachers, CCA and all, they are way different from CGS. AND I MISS CRESCENT ALOT! ):

Despite everything though, SAJC's orientation is FUNFUNFUN. Alot of cheering, dancing & games going on but it's all good so far. Made some friends & been having dinner with the gang at SAJC. Oh, and I've been accepted in the Humanities Scholarship Programme =) It's not much, but I feel like finally, I've achieved something that's worth talking about (in quite a while)

RIGHT NOW I REALLY WISH TUNA IS IN SAJC TOO! I MISS YOU TUNA!!!!!!!!

I used to begrudge God and fate for not giving me the best things. I've never been pretty, smart, talented, rich or popular and I could never stand seeing someone else better than me in any sense. There was always that one girl who was prettier, smarter, more talented, more well-liked. I had always been the shadow to cover up the ugly marks of other people.

I don't often show it but I AM insecure about my looks. I mean c'mon, I'm not pretty at all, far from it in fact. I have eyes that are puny and dull, a nose that doesn't quite seem to fit, lips that don't stand out and a stature that seem so plain next to all my friends. I hated my looks and didn't  bother to even try to dress up. What was the point? I'm already more plain than PLAIN JANE.

But then, I began to realize why I'm never the best. It's because I'd never tried my hardest. I was never the smartest because I didn't have that drive to reach the top, I was never the most talented because I was afraid others would scorn me for showing off the skills that I had, I was never the most popular because I didn't try to interact more with others. 

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"- tis' a quote to truly behold. I understood the meaning the words were trying to convey to my head, but not to my heart. Yesterday, I came to a full understanding of it. I may be a wallflower next to all my friends, a transparent wallpaper next to plain Jane, but the face that I have right now is something precious given to me by my mother and the generations of ancestors before her. Perhaps on the outside I can never be pretty or beautiful, but maybe one day, I might find my inner beauty.

I really should join the SAJC soccer team, cause soccer trials yesterday was what gave me this epiphany. Though training yesterday was a killer and I wanted to give up so many times in between, I didn't. The fact that the senior kept cheering me on gave me a spur to keep going, but more importantly, I found an inner strength within me that I'd never seen before. I kept going even though I was at the brink of exhaustion.

I guess treatment was too long ago, cause I seem to have lost that fighting strength. But it's all good, cause thanks to the kind act of a certain someone, I found it again (:

I've decided that this will be my first official new entry. Since another part of my life is beginning, it's just as well I start anew here.

Well JCAT's livejournals are all dead, that's for sure. But anyway, the O'level results and posting are finally over and done with; thank goodness. That night was torturous @_@. This is why I hate choosing schools, cause I take a SUPER long time to make up my mind and then I worry if I made the right decision.
I can honestly say that 2010 didn't start off easy for me. The obstacles and challenges that are going to come my way this year will be plentiful, that I'm sure of. Yet at the same time, I thank God for all these experiences, because this was one of the wishes I made a few years back. Ahem~ not going back there again. Well, growing up sucks, cause you have so many more things to think and worry about >.<